The ReWrite
by X-Arrg-X
Summary: A new writer appears on the set of Pirates. What will happen to the script?


Summary – Pirates Of The Caribbean Re-Worded. I'm sorry but I don't know the director's or the editor's or the script writer's name. So I made them up!

Disclaimer – Not Owned by me.

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The Re-Write Chapter 1

It was a good day thought the director. The birds were singing the sun was shining and he felt good. But he never saw what was coming next.

Back at the deserted studio Thomas (the director) found a note on his bright orange chair.

Dear Mr. Friday,

You are here by invited to the welcoming party of Heather Morris, the new writer, for our old one ran away to Cancun because we gave her the money in advance. It will be held ASAP in the lounge area to your right.

Hope you can make it,

The Cast

_A new writer? Holy crap_ thought Thomas as he made his way to the lounge. The lounge was dark and very squishy, for lack of a better word; there was a TV with TiVo that the cast had put in. It only had about 7 couches and a pool table.

At the center of that pool table was a humongous welcoming cake with Kyo from Fruits Basket on it. The guest of honor couldn't be more thrilled about that.

She was about 5 foot 9, 120 lbs, and wore the classic black anime attire. Hobo gloves on her hands. Her hair was shiny brown with black ribbons through it. And to top it off, blue cat ears.

"Yo, Mr. Director dude. I've taken the liberty to change the script." She said in a casual tone, her hand hold a folded up paper in the shape of a star.

Thomas took the papers with strong discomfort and started reading.

* * *

FADE IN:

**EXT. CARIBBEAN SEA - DAY**

A gray, impenetrable wall of fog. From somewhere comes the

FAINT SOUND of a LITTLE GIRL'S VOICE, singing, fast tempo,

almost under her breath.

**YOUNG ELIZABETH (O.S.)**

We are so very lost at sea,

My daddy won't ask for directions you see.

Why can't we stop for a pee?

Suddenly a massive SHIP emerges from the grey, the Winged

Victory maidenhead looming. It's a Canadian dreadnought,

The H.M.S. Chuck Norris. Formidable, frightening, twenty-five places to do a roundhouse kick on a side, and Mr. T to boot.

**EXT. H.M.S. DAUNTLESS - FORECASTLE - DAY**

ELIZABETH SWANN, strawberry blond hair, stands at the bow

railing, gazing at the seas, still singing --

**ELIZABETH**

...We drank up and now we have to go...

JOSHAMEE GIBBS, who was born old, skin a dark leather,

clutches her foot, startling her.

**GIBBS**

(sotto)

Quiet, missy! Cursed pirates walk

On these waters. You want to call

'em up to us?

Elizabeth stares wide-eyed at him.

**NORRINGTON**

Mr. Gibbs.

NORRINGTON, an ugly young man, acne EVERYWHERE, Royal Navy to the core,

glares sternly at Gibbs, making him blind. Standing besides him is GOVERNOR WEATHERBY SWAN, a man of obvious high station, brass

buttons on his thick black jacket. He is Elizabeth's

mother.

**NORRINGTON (CONT'D)**

That will do.

**GIBBS**

She was singing about peeing.

Bad luck to sing about peeing,

with us mired in this unnatural

fog-- mark me words.

**NORRINGTON**

I could go for some PB&J right now.

**GIBBS**

'Aye, Captain.

(As he moves off)

Bad luck to eat a woman on board,

too. Even a mini'ture one.

He returns to his deck-swabbing duties, surreptitiously

takes out his flask, empty, and throws it at NORRINGTON.

**ELIZABETH**

I really have to go to the bathroom.

**NORRINGTON**

Think again, Miss Swan.Vile and

dissolute creatures, the lot of

them. I intend to see to it that

any man who sails under a lost

flag, or wears a pee brand,

gets what he deserves: a short

drop and a sudden stop.

Elizabeth doesn't know what 'a short drop and a sudden

stop' means. Gibbs helpfully mimes: a man being hung.

**SWAN**

Captain Norrington... I appreciate

your fervor, but I am concerned about

the effect this subject will have on

my daughter.

**NORRINGTON**

I hate you, you filthy bald man!

**ELIZABETH**

Actually, I love you Mr. Norrington.

**SWAN**

And that's what concerns me. Elizabeth,

dear... we will be landing in Port

Royal very soon, and beginning our old

lives. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we

comport ourselves as befits our class

and station? Whatever that means…

**ELIZABETH**

No, father.

Chastised, she turns away, to look out over the bow rail.

**ELIZABETH (CONT'D)**

(to herself)

I still think it would be exciting

to meet a lost pirate...

The fog still hems in the ship; very little of the sea is

visible --

-- but suddenly, a FIGURE comes into view. A young boy,

WILL TURNER, floating on his back in the otherwise empty

water. There is nothing to show where he came from, or how

he came to be there.

**ELIZABETH (CONT'D)**

Look! A lady In the water! I like that movie! Wow, there's a boy! Let's save him and then later condemn him because he helps in piracy.

Norrington and Swann spot him --

**NORRINGTON**

STOP GIVING AWAY THE PLOT!

**ELIZABETH**

Sorry…

**NORRINGTON**

I say we let him be.

Quick movement and activity on the deck. Sailors use a

boathook to snag the boy he the passes. Norrington and

Swann haul him aboard, and lay him on the deck. Elizabeth

sidles in for a closer look.

**NORRINGTON (CONT'D)**

He's not breathing! Let's throw him back!

**SWAN**

Where did he come from?

**GIBBS**

Mary mother of God ...

Attention is turned away from the boy --

The sea is no longer empty. WRECKAGE from a ship litters

the water... along with the bodies of its crew. What is

left of the ship's hull BURNS, a ragged British flag

hanging limply from the stern.

The H.M.S. Chuck Norris slips silently through it all. The

scene calls for hushed voices.

**SWAN**

What happened here?

**NORRINGTON**

An explosion in the powder magazine.

Merchant vessels run heavily armed.

**GIBBS**

Lot of good it did them...

(off Swan's look)

Everyone's thinking it! I'm just

saying it! Lost Drunk Pirates!

**SWAN**

There is no proof of that. It could

have been an accident. Captain, these

men were protection. If there is even

the slightest chance one of those poor

devils is still alive, we cannot

abandon them!

**NORRINGTON**

Yes we can, Governor.

(to the crew)

Come about and strike the sails! Unlash

the boats! Gunnery crew... jackets off

the cannons!

(to Swann)

Hope for the best...prepare for

the worst.

(to two sailors)

Move the boy aft. We'll need the

deck clear.

They lift the boy. Swann pulls Elizabeth away from the

rail, away from the hideous scene in the water.

**SWAN**

Elizabeth, I want you to keep it in your pants.

Abstinence is your choice.

You'll watch over him?

Elizabeth nods gravely. Swann hurries away to help unstow

the longboat. The sailors lay the boy gently on the poop

deck, behind the wheel, then hurry off. Elizabeth kneels

down besides the boy.

His good looks are not lost on her. She reaches out,

gently brushes the blond hair from his eyes --

Suddenly, he grabs her wrist, awake now. Elizabeth is

startled, but their eyes lock. She takes his hand in hers.

**ELIZABETH**

My name is Elizabeth Swann.

**WILL**

Will Turner.

**ELIZABETH**

I'm watching over you, Will.

He clutches her hands, then slips back into

unconsciousness.

His movement has opened the collar of his shirt; Elizabeth

sees he wears a chain around his neck. She tugs it free,

revealing--

A GOLD MEDALLION. One side is blank. She turns it over --

A SKULL gazes up at her. Vaguely Japanese in design, but to

her eyes, it means one thing only:

**ELIZABETH (CONT'D)**

You're a lost drunk pirate.

She glances back at the crew. Sees Norrington, giving

orders, moving toward her.

She looks back at Will -- comes to a quick decision. Takes

the medallion from around his neck. Hides it under her

coat.

Norrington arrives.

**NORRINGTON**

Did he die?

**ELIZABETH**

His name is Will Turner -- that's

all I found out.

**NORRINGTON**

Crap, you mean HE'S coming too?

Norrington hurries off. Elizabeth steals away to the stern

of the ship. Examines her prize -- the gold medallion. A

wisp of wind, and she looks up --

Out over the sea, moving through the fog, silent as a

ghost, is a large sailing ship, a schooner --

It has Pink SAILS.

Elizabeth stares, too frightened to move, or cry out.

The ship is obscured by the fog it as it passes -- but not

the mizzen-top ... and there hangs the frightening skull

and crossbones of the Jolly Roger.

Elizabeth looks from it to the medallion -- the skull on

the flag is the same as the one on the medallion.

Fog surrounds and closes in on the pink ship -- except for

the pink flag. As Elizabeth watches, the skull appears to

TURN and GRIN at her --

Elizabeth shuts her eyes tight --

* * *

"WHAT IS THIS CRAP!" Thomas explodes…

* * *

To Be Continued

Sorry For the short chapter. The next one will hopefully be longer.

Thanks for reading! Okay I admit...It's not that good! But the next will hopefully be better.


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